IS RUPO THE FATHER?
The story that is guaranteed to shock the world began with a simple tryst between the Duchess of Cambridge and the best friend of the Boy Who Lived.
In recent months, it has become clear that Rupo Grinto and Kate Middleton have been spending an extraordinary amount of time together. With their late night instragram comments and twitter conversations, it is more than apparent that dear, sweet man whom we call our Prince William, may not in fact be the father of the ROYAL SPAWN.
At Rupert Grint: Not just a pretty face (R-GAG to those in the know), we deeply care for our own red headed 'royal' and understand the deep financial troubles he has experienced recently. So much so that we have taken the time to investigate the methods that Rupo must utilise to discover if he is the father of the so called 'royal' spawn.
As far as we can tell (and we have spent a good 10 minutes or so on wikipedia) there is only one definite way to reveal the heredity of a child. That is, of course, that old Hollywood favourite, the
DNA TEST
A much beloved family favourite within the Hollywood circles, a DNA test can cost up to £250! As we all know, Rupo may not be able to afford this after finding out he had in fact completed the Harry Potter series for absolutely no fee! (Did someone say 'GIVE ME DETAILS??', we heard you. Check out our next post on the POTTER PAY SCANDAL). So because we care so much for our idol, our patron saint, our godliness of gods - we have devised a foolproof plan to determine the paternity of the child in question.
The following photos are a morph between Rupo and Kate (thanks www.morph.com for the great investigative resources!!) and will end Rupo's suffering as soon as the children are old enough to resemble these FBI certified age progression results.
Although we expect there will be some Serious Implications for Rupo and Kate, we almost hope the child/children is Rupo's because these kids are kind of cute. We extend our congratulations towards the much scrutinised couple and hope that if the child is Rupo's, it will continue his or her father's crusade for Red Headed Rights. And if the baby is Willie's, we hope he does not inherit his father's male pattern baldness gene. All that red hair and a receding hair line? What a waste.
For your entertainment, we also produced the most powerful being to possibly exist - a combination of Oprah, President Obama, George Clooney and Prince William's grandfather. If there ever was a time to rejoice the inability of a child to have three fathers, now is it.
And to you R-Gaggers out there, hoping and praying, perhaps liking photos on Facebook to save the time taken to pray (remember, 1 like = 1 pray), take the time to support Rupo by dying those lovely locks (or what may remain on our older readers' heads) RED.
Rupo would dye his hair red for you, would you do the same for him? We leave you considering your loyalty towards the Patron Saint of Red Hair - Our Rupo.
Smell ya later R-Gaggers, xoxo
